The letter's and emails have nearly come to a halt. My anxiety has risen and I keep telling myself this is my test of patience. Well we all know that patience isn't one of the Wallis' strong points and I think the Lord knows this. It is very difficult to not get angry that he isn't spending time writing or emailing us. Ashley has somewhat given up and Jake just feels bad. Curt gets pretty frustrated too. And the worry is consuming.
I keep telling myself that he is losing himself in his work and this is what he is supposed to be doing. Maybe it is hard on him to write home. Maybe he doesn't even miss us.
At times, I feel selfish to think that he should be spending more time writing us. That we should be a priority. When we have been telling him to just work hard, stay focused and lose himself in service.
This is a big battle for me right now. It is Christmas Eve and he will be calling us tomorrow. The joy I feel is overwhelming. I can't wait to hear his voice! I have started writing down some questions so I don't forget to ask him everything that I have been worrying about. I know this is kind of over the top...but when you never get letters this may be my only chance! haha
Yesterday, I was thinking about Jed. I was remembering how much I loved giving him hugs. I was remembering our last hug... how he squeezed me tight. I miss his strong shoulders. His kind heart. His goofiness. But most of all I just miss him always being here with me.
When Jed was a little boy, I would say "why don't you go outside and play with your friends". His response the majority of the time was "No Mom I just want to stay here with you". Oh I miss that little boy and the amazing young man he has grown up to be. When he gets home, he will be different I know. In an amazingly good way. But right now it is still hard. I am going to work this battle hard... trusting that my Heavenly Father will watch over and protect him and that I may be blessed with patience.
No comments:
Post a Comment